Christmas Bells Are Ringing

Hi loved ones,

I don't have much to say this week. Still no answers but I've got two more appointments this week and I'm stoked to chat with my ol' pal of a rheumatologist. Side note: At age 13 I got diagnosed with Raynaud's Disease and my rheummie was the gal who explained it all, cheered me on when I found swimming as a therapy, worried about me the entire time I lived in the Arctic (BYUI), and cried a little when I told her I was going off to Bolivia and now is gonna face the facts with me tomorrow as we figure out why my body is being so difficult. Then I gotta see my general surgery pal who gets to take a look at my nasty Bolivian surgery wounds that are still not healing. Sorry for the gross reality, this is just my life lately.

Since this blog has always been a place for raw reality and honest emotions, I just wanted to share this article from the December 2015 Ensign that changed my life today.

https://www.lds.org/liahona/2015/12/young-adults/returning-home-early-from-my-mission?lang=eng

This article brought immense peace to my aching heart and renewed hope as I took a moment to realize that the best days since I've been home have been days where I've focused on the Lord and His will. The hardest days are when I let Satan get me down or when I let fear cloud my faith. I know He lives and I know He loves me.

I've officially been home for a month now and in that time, my simple candle light testimony has felt so dimmed by fear, anxiety, and worry about the unknown. And the truth is, I don't know what's ahead of me. I don't know if I'm going back to Bolivia or when I'm going back to school or what's wrong with me. There's actually a lot I don't know. But here are a few things I do know.

I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I know He was born with a glorious purpose to live a perfect life and be a perfect example and then suffer my full spectrum of pain and sin and experience. But not just for me, and not just for you, but for every single one of us who have lived, who are living, or who will live upon this earth. He suffered more than we could even begin to imagine because He loves us and He was resurrected because He wanted each of us to have the opportunity to overcome both spiritual and physical death. I love this Christmas season as we take time to celebrate His birth, His life, and His Atonement. He was born so I can have hope and move forward in F A I T H and say "chau" to Satan's influence.

Thanks a million for all your kind words, warm hugs, and heartfelt prayers. I love you all so much and I wish I could fix all of your struggles too. But He's the only one that can help you out. Remember Christ this Christmas.

Con mucho amor,
Jen Gauger

P.S. Check out this amazing video. :)
https://www.mormon.org/christmas?cid=HP_SU_11-29-2015_dMIS_fSPC_xLIDyL1-A_