Where Love Is, There God Is Also

This blog was my favorite outlet and I worked hard to make sure that I was always honest and sincere in every post. I didn't want anyone reading this to think that a mission was easy or that I was a perfect missionary. I wanted people to know how much I loved the Lord and how grateful I was to be serving Him. I wanted anyone who read any part of this to feel some small portion of the love I felt for my companions and the Bolivian people I served. I hope that anyone who has been a part of this journey in any way has felt something because of what I've shared. So that's the reason for this post, I don't want anyone to think that my life is easy or that I'm a perfect person. But I do want to share a little update on the past year of my life and I want you to know that God has a plan for each of us. I want to be real honest with whoever reads this and I hope you can be reminded that Heavenly Father is in the details of our lives.



A year ago today, my life changed forever. I came home, six months earlier than I had anticipated. It was...rough.

But it turned out that coming home was easy in comparison to adjusting to life at home. Anxiety hit me like never before and it was truly debilitating. Most of my nights were spent crying instead of sleeping and on the couch rather than my bed because I couldn't stand to feel closed in. I felt so lonely and I felt like there was no one who understood me. I would stay up all night worrying about anything and everything. My family was so patient and understanding even though I could tell they were concerned.

My entire mission felt like a dream and I spent hours rereading my journal and staring at pictures to remind myself that it was all real and it really happened. I wanted so badly to call my old companions and have them remind me that they knew me and remembered that I had been there with them. Those first few months were filled with tears and anguish. I was so confused and prayed often to know why God had sent me home early. I was still so sick and the various tests and evaluations weren't giving me the answers I desperately desired. I couldn't understand why I had to get sick when I had felt so right about serving a mission. Why wasn't God helping me fulfill my most righteous aspiration? Looking back now, I feel pretty naive.

November to January passed in slow motion. I finally got results back and was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in December. I know most people wouldn't say that finding out you have a chronic illness is a relief but for me, it was. I knew I was sick and I finally knew why. That was actually one of the first times I felt the weight of anxiety lessen.

In February, my stake president was sick, very sick, and we learned that our stake presidency would be reorganized six months earlier than planned. Our family assumed that my dad would be released as second counselor and we joked about his future calling in nursery. Ha ha ha... On February 13, my dad was sustained as the new stake president. It was a crazy weekend for my family and when I raised my hand to sustain my dad, I felt the Holy Ghost confirm to me that I was meant to be there in that room, that my family needed me right then more than anyone else. I remember that moment so clearly and thinking "maybe there is a purpose to all of this suffering."

A week later, I was still feeling anxiety, like I-feel-completely-and-utterly-alone anxiety. I had started attending the YSA ward in January but I still felt lonely, I hadn't made any friends and I felt like I didn't have anything in common with anyone. That Saturday night, I prayed harder than I had prayed in a long time. I told Heavenly Father that I wasn't looking for a husband or for a huge group of friends, all I wanted was to have one friend. I felt so pathetic but I begged for someone who would understand me and help me overcome the crushing loneliness. The next morning, I went to church and met Katie Lloyd. (Her name has not been changed because she deserves all the praise and gratitude I could ever give). We became insta-friends within the first five minutes of conversation. She had just returned home from a mission in Argentina (aka fellow gringa para hablar conmigo) and was going to be in town for a couple months on an internship. She was and is one of the most incredible friends on planet earth. Once she started coming to the ward, she made friends with other people and I can't deny I was a little jealous that she made it look so easy. Luckily, she helped me out and invited me to start hanging out with people that I had technically known for years but had never talked with. And that's when Adam's part in this story begins. Spoiler alert: he ends up being pretty important. :)

Adam became my best friend pretty quickly. He is so funny and we had so much in common, our families seemed to be identical and our love of swimming led to us getting trial memberships at the gym and believing Katie's crazy idea that we could train for a triathlon. (Side note: Adam and I have since ceased all training but superhero Katie completed a triathlon this summer, remember how I told you she was amazing??) Katie eventually moved back to Utah and I was left to my own devices to come up with a way to convince Adam to continue hanging out with me. First, I tried baked goods. I would bake 3 dozen cookies and tell him "oh man, you should stop by after school and take some cookies home." And since he came, I did it every night for a week. Then he finally asked me out and I didn't have to bribe him with cookies anymore. But unfortunately, he had plans to work in South Dakota from May-August and I had plans to go back to BYU-Idaho in September and I realized that things did not look optimistic, no matter how many cookies I baked.

But things worked out, as they tend to do when they're part of Heavenly Father's plan. Adam changed his flight and decided to come home in June. We skyped every single day that he was gone. We were pretty obsessed with each other. (I probably shouldn't have put that sentence in past tense because it's still true). While he was gone, I prayed to know if I should go back to Idaho and felt very strongly that staying home was right. I picked him up from the airport on the night he returned home and I could not stop smiling. It was literally painful to be as happy as I felt and my cheeks ached the next day.

Adam and I have been mostly inseparable since and so many spiritual confirmations have taught me that Heavenly Father was thinking of Adam when He sent me home one year ago today. Heavenly Father was thinking about my future. He was thinking about my sweet father who would be overwhelmed by his new calling. He was thinking about the YSA ward that would need a Relief Society President.  He was thinking about my best friend Breanna who would need a friend when wedding planning stress became too much. There are so many moments that come to mind and they all testify to me that Someone so much greater is in control.

What is all comes down to is this, if I had not come home when I did, I would not be the person that I am today. I would have surely enjoyed six more months in Bolivia. Heck, I would have killed for another year and I sometimes wonder what it would have been like.

But right now, I know that I never would have gotten to know and love Adam. I know that I very likely would have met someone else and probably would have been happy. But I thank my Heavenly Father every single day for taking away something I wanted so badly so that I could be with Adam. He is my favorite blessing of all. I could spend all day bragging about the man who gets to be my eternal companion in just eighty days but it still wouldn't be enough. So I'll just say a few things that stand out to me.

Adam is the most selfless, kind, and gentle soul. His love is so pure and so sweet. He takes care of me when I am ill, even to the point of driving the entire way home from Utah while I slept in the passenger seat. He reminds me to take my medicine daily and is so sensitive to my needs. He is so talented and I could watch him paint for hours. Adam is humble and I know he is blushing as he reads this because he thinks I am being completely biased and ridiculously kind to say all of this but it's true. He is so, so good to me and he makes me want to be a better version of myself. He prays for me and he prays with me. We have cried together, we have laughed together, and we have grown together. He is so much greater than I imagined and he makes me so, so happy. He is not perfect and I love him for his desire to improve and progress. He's my forever. He's my reminder that God works in the details of and through the people in our lives to help us become the best we can be.

I love my Father in Heaven. He loves each of us personally. He knows what we need to learn and how we need to learn it and He will always bless us. His son, Jesus Christ, knows and understands us perfectly. His atonement is real and I have felt its enabling power while I traveled through my Gethsemane in the past year. He can help us overcome any fear or weakness and He eagerly waits for us to accept His help. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ's church upon the earth today. I am so happy that because of the restoration of the gospel, I will not hear the words "til death do you part" on my wedding day. Instead, I will be sealed to my best friend for time and for all eternity and our little family will be together forever. That is the most glorious message of all. Families are forever. I am so grateful for the people who were family to me while I was in Bolivia and that includes a lot of you who have managed to make it to the end of this post. Thank you for your prayers and support. I cannot thank you enough. With God, life is oh so good. ♥

 My family on the day my dad was sustained. 

(Fun Fact: Adam took this picture before we had ever really met.)

 Breanna's Wedding Day

The infamous Katie Lloyd

Happy, happy, happy. :)

Christmas Bells Are Ringing

Hi loved ones,

I don't have much to say this week. Still no answers but I've got two more appointments this week and I'm stoked to chat with my ol' pal of a rheumatologist. Side note: At age 13 I got diagnosed with Raynaud's Disease and my rheummie was the gal who explained it all, cheered me on when I found swimming as a therapy, worried about me the entire time I lived in the Arctic (BYUI), and cried a little when I told her I was going off to Bolivia and now is gonna face the facts with me tomorrow as we figure out why my body is being so difficult. Then I gotta see my general surgery pal who gets to take a look at my nasty Bolivian surgery wounds that are still not healing. Sorry for the gross reality, this is just my life lately.

Since this blog has always been a place for raw reality and honest emotions, I just wanted to share this article from the December 2015 Ensign that changed my life today.

https://www.lds.org/liahona/2015/12/young-adults/returning-home-early-from-my-mission?lang=eng

This article brought immense peace to my aching heart and renewed hope as I took a moment to realize that the best days since I've been home have been days where I've focused on the Lord and His will. The hardest days are when I let Satan get me down or when I let fear cloud my faith. I know He lives and I know He loves me.

I've officially been home for a month now and in that time, my simple candle light testimony has felt so dimmed by fear, anxiety, and worry about the unknown. And the truth is, I don't know what's ahead of me. I don't know if I'm going back to Bolivia or when I'm going back to school or what's wrong with me. There's actually a lot I don't know. But here are a few things I do know.

I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I know He was born with a glorious purpose to live a perfect life and be a perfect example and then suffer my full spectrum of pain and sin and experience. But not just for me, and not just for you, but for every single one of us who have lived, who are living, or who will live upon this earth. He suffered more than we could even begin to imagine because He loves us and He was resurrected because He wanted each of us to have the opportunity to overcome both spiritual and physical death. I love this Christmas season as we take time to celebrate His birth, His life, and His Atonement. He was born so I can have hope and move forward in F A I T H and say "chau" to Satan's influence.

Thanks a million for all your kind words, warm hugs, and heartfelt prayers. I love you all so much and I wish I could fix all of your struggles too. But He's the only one that can help you out. Remember Christ this Christmas.

Con mucho amor,
Jen Gauger

P.S. Check out this amazing video. :)
https://www.mormon.org/christmas?cid=HP_SU_11-29-2015_dMIS_fSPC_xLIDyL1-A_

Some Say That Heaven is Far Away

Well, hello there, friends and family,

About 10 days ago, I was with a specialist deciding what day we'd have our next appointment for more testing and in the exact moment my mom went to check her phone calendar, a message from my sister showed up inviting us to join them in Disneyland. My mom asked the doctor if I would be able to attend and the doctor said, "You've suffered enough, sweetie. Go enjoy Disney and get your mind off of all this and then we'll see you on the 19th." 

So I did something crazy. I went to Disneyland. And it was probably the best thing I could have ever done. Sure, I probably pushed myself way more than I should have and I probably should have been in bed sleeping instead of closing out the night on Haunted Mansion but in regards to my ánimo and emotional health, nothing could have helped me more. 

Coming home has been a huge culture shock, way more than when I arrived in Bolivia and the fact that I spend most of my time at home, doing nothing and feeling useless, hasn't been so easy either. So I finally got out of the house and let the Happiest Place on Earth work its magic on me. It gave me hope and strength and mostly helped me feel a little more normal. In a time when everything is so unsure, it was nice to go to a place that feels so familiar and homey. 

This week, I'll be having my (hopefully) final procedure to figure out what the heck is going on with this body of mine. Not super excited about it but I am super excited for answers and information so I can decide what to do next. All that's been confirmed is that there's definitely evidence of an autoimmune disease, but we can't tell which one until after my procedure this Thursday. So I guess Disneyland was my way of escaping reality and pretending that this week's results won't completely alter my life forever and ever. 

I'm doing well overall. Feeling about 90% healthy but 100% anxious. I can't express enough gratitude to my incredible family who is being so patient and loving with me. They've done so much for me and continue to help me daily as I adjust to life back home and the English language and the fact that everyone is married/pregnant. 

But through it all, I find strength in the same simple things that gave me strength every day in Bolivia. The restored gospel of Jesus Christ is on the earth today. God hears and answers prayers. Jesus Christ lived on this earth, suffered and died for our sins and weaknesses, and was resurrected to save each one of us. We are able to receive exaltation if we follow His example and come unto Him. I know these things are true because the Spirit has taught and testified to me and I know these things of myself. I know that He has a perfect plan for us and He loves us more than we can imagine. Pray to Him, learn of Him, do something more to be like Him. I know that He is the source of true and lasting joy. 

With much love,

Jen Gauger 

P.S. Here's a photo update for y'all. :)

 Thanks, Dad, for letting me go on exchanges with your companion. :)

 The only thing cooler than a fanny pack is a fanny pack from Tarija.

 Barium Smoothies. Not as delicious as you think.

 Changed out the title "Hermana" for "Auntie" and it's the only thing keeping me sane.

 Shout out to my dad for buying overpriced strawberries to satisfy the cravings of someone who hasn't eaten them in far too long.

When in America, do as the Americans.

Who, Who Can Understand? He, Only One.

Hey there friends,

I've gotten accustomed to this whole writing thing and I promised 18 months of adventures so if we're all up for it, I'd like to keep posting here and continue using this as an outlet for my thoughts and experiences. This week has been an interesting one, but it's caused me to think and pray a lot.

A favorite scripture of mine is found in Mosiah 3:19, where it talks about becoming a saint through the atonement of Christ and refers to becoming like a child; "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." I've been ponderizing that scripture for a lot longer than the word "ponderize" has been around and it's been written on my heart time and time again.

I always think about the example of young children as I strive to understand this passage and the sort of child-like humility and submissiveness that our Father desires so that we can become like Him.

For example, I think of a young mom starting the day off with a long to-do list and a prayer in her heart that she will be able to accomplish her list and have the aid of her young child to get it all done without too many meltdowns. I imagine the child's meekness as she gets ready while Mom explains the plan for the day.  I think about how the child submissively allows her car seat to be fastened because she knows her mom loves her and wants her to be safe. I think of how a loving mom has prepared snacks and toys to help her child when the idea of patience runs thin. I think about the two walking through the mall with the mom's head spinning with all the things to do and errands to run while the young child secretly wishes that her own agenda will be filled and she'll be headed home with a new toy or special treat for being good. And then I imagine the moment in the late afternoon when the tiredness hits and suddenly the child cares a lot more about what she wants than what Mom had planned. She whines. She cries. She wants to go home. I imagine that a loving mom, who sees and understands way more than her suffering child, picks her up and carries her when it gets tough and gets her safely home.

Is the journey of life much different? Does our Father not have a perfect agenda or plan for our life on earth? Should we not hop in the good ship zion and allow our loving Father to fulfill His plan? Should we not buckle our seatbelts by keeping the commandments which He has given out of love? Does He not offer spiritual snacks and nourishment when patience runs thin? Do we sometimes go through the motions hoping we will get a special treat out of it? Do we not have moments in this journey of life when we get tired, whine, cry, and want to go home? Is our Father in Heaven any less willing to lift us up and carry us in those moments of difficulty?

I testify that He loves us even more than we can imagine. I know He's willing to pick us up and I know it because He's done it for me. He's done it for me every day this week. He's heard my whining and complaining and He's picked me up and carried me. He's answered my prayers. He knows that it's tough to stay patient and positive when I'm tired and the days are long. He's been with me when the nights were long and I felt overcome by sorrow. He has a perfect plan and He has things He needs me to do today. All I want is to grab His hand and let Him run His errands with me and through me and lose my own agenda and trust that He knows what we need to get done on this trip of life and He's got a perfect plan. He has given me help through so many great friends and has allowed my family members to act as literal angels for me in a time when I felt so overwhelmed.

The best lesson I learned this week is that my destination hasn't changed but my journey, very obviously, has taken a different course. I'm currently feeling too healthy to stay inside and do nothing but I recognize that I'm also too sick to be out in Bolivia wasting the Lord's precious time. After a number of doctor's appointments, I feel even further away from the answers I was hoping to get in regards to my health and the future ahead of me. Every moment that I've thought to myself, "I should be in Bolivia right now, what am I doing here?" has been remedied by the Spirit's whisper of a scripture in Doctrine and Covenants which reads

"Cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"

I know that He guided this transfer just as much as He guided the past year of my mission and the past 20 years of my life on earth. I don't know what the next transfer holds, but I know that the Lord needs Jen Gauger here at this time. Thank you for your prayers, love, and support. I have been overwhelmed with love and hugs and I am grateful for every single one of you who have been there on this journey with me. I know I'm not the only one suffering and I invite each of you to allow your Father or even your loving brother and savior, Jesus Christ to carry you when things get tough. I know they love you and want what's best for you.

Con mucho amor,
Jen Gauger

Oh Savior, if thou wilt be my guide

Hey there loved ones,

What a crazy week has gone by. These last 7 days have probably been the toughest and roughest of the past 20 years I've been alive.

First of all, surgery...not so fun. But then again, no one ever said it would be. But they did say the anesthesia would kick in immediately and it definitely didn't. But anyway, all went well and they left me with a 1-inch long cut that was about 3/4 inches deep packed with gauze and now I have to get it changed daily.

So then since I was on bedrest and no unhallowed hand can stop the work in Barrio San Pedro, my companion went out with members and left me in the house of members every day to babysit me. It was quite the experience.

Then, on Saturday, I went for my check-up appointment and unfortunately enough, they found another cyst. (Read as Another Surgery)... And apparently, when you have 4 abscesses in a period of 5 months, they start realizing that there's got to be a bigger problem.

It was kind of my breaking point, to be honest. I smiled and nodded while the doctor explained that we'd keep an eye on things and then see what happens, but I was an emotional wreck about 2 steps outside of the hospital on a busy street in the center of Santa Cruz while my companion with all of the sweetness and care she could muster tried to console me. We went home and the tears kept flowing as the pain kept surging through a body that's been through quite a lot in such a short window of time. I prayed. I cried. Then I prayed some more. Then I cried some more. And finally, when I got tired of crying, I called Hermana Willard, my mission president's wife and we cried together as I told her the news. Then President Willard called 20 minutes later as we cried together and we received the revelation that an emergency transfer was necessary.

So I got transferred. To the Antelope 4th Ward in Antelope, California. They booked my flight before I could even finish packing all my souvenirs. I'm home now with a week full of hospital visits with specialists and even though it's not what I wanted, I feel confident that it's part of the Lord's plan for me.

So how long will I be home? When do I go back? What do I have? What's causing all the cysts? What am I doing now? When can you all come and see me? Am I contagious? I'm sure even more questions will come but most of the answers haven't yet been revealed, even to me. (Except the fact that I'm not contagious).

So far, I know that this is a lot more serious than I ever thought. I know we're looking at the possibility of some chronic conditions that could run in the family. I know that what I need (to be healthy) comes before what I want (to be in Bolivia). I know that I came home feeling 100% content with the 368 days that Heavenly Father blessed me with to love Bolivia and Bolivians and come to truly know that my Redeemer lives and loves me. In regards to the date in which I'll be headed back? I really don't know. I feel that the scripture in Matthew 26:41 fits perfectly in saying "the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Coming down in a wheelchair is obviously the best way to arrive home to your concerned family and assure them that all is well.

Tears shed at the fact that someone kidnapped my baby nephews and replaced them with giant toddlers that walk.

So right now, I'm trusting my all to His tender care and knowing He loves me, I'll do His will with a heart sincere, I'll go where He wants me to go, I'll say what He wants me to say, and I'll be what He wants me to be.

I can't express enough gratitude for all of your love, prayers, and support. Thank you all for your examples and emails and words of encouragement. Please have patience with me as I adjust in this time and just keep on praying for me. I love you all and I feel like we've been on this journey together and I'll continue to update according to what I feel necessary and important and letting you all know what's going on with your favorite [returned] sister missionary from Bolivia.

Con mucho amor,
Jen Gauger :)

But He Now Will Bear No More

Email from Monday, October 19, 2015

Hi Friends (my family has chosen a cruise over me so they're probably not even reading this...hahaha just kidding...:))

This week was...painful. Hahah believe it or not, the Lord is continuing to purify me through health trials and this week included a new and very painful one. My journal contains all the embarrassing details for my posterity to barf about someday but it sufficeth me to say that I'm finally feeling better and that there is no limit to the crazy things that can happen to me out here. But all is well, that new problem is like 50% solved so we're gonna go forward with the cyst removal surgery on Thursday. Hahah, I'm not even sure anyone back home believes the stories I tell anymore because other missionaries are constantly telling me "your mission stories aren't even real, Hermana Gauger...like, how does something ALWAYS happen to you?" La verdad es que...yo no sé pero...así es. :)

Anyway, that whole health thing kinda got to me and put me in an emotional funk this week. I've never really thought "why me?" during any of my trials in the mission but I think this week I was thinking "why me again?" Like I understand that trial is necessary to become the person I want to be but then when more than one trial comes at a time, it's like "wait, no one else needs to grow? it's my turn again?" I've tried to get better about making sure that my prayers are times to talk to the Lord and I can say that we're had some good long talks this week. I've found a lot of comfort in a quote that Hermana Wilson shared in a letter she wrote me on one of my rough days. I don't have it with me right now but it talks about how quick we are to want the attributes of the Savior without paying any of the price he paid to become the way He is. It made me think about how many times I've prayed so so hard for help to become better and reach my divine potential and then when help comes, if not in the way I thought, it's even more humbling. 

Today, more than anything else, I feel an intense gratitude for a loving Father in Heaven who sees me as I truly am and knows my deepest desires and loves me enough to help me acheive all of my righteous goals and reach the full measure of my divine nature. I'm grateful for His divine plan which includes family members, friends, companions, investigators, church leaders at home and in Bolivia that are shaping me and changing me. I'm grateful for repentance and the promise of change. I'm grateful that because He lived, suffered, and died, we can change.

When I went to the clinic this week, a few days later than I probably should have, the doctor asked why I didn't come in sooner, and then said something so profound that I had heard Hermana Willard explain in our zone conference just the day before while talking about repentance. 

"You don't have to suffer!"

That is the glorious message of the restored gospel! We don't have to suffer the pain of sin, transgression, or fault. Even better than the best clinic in Santa Cruz, is the 24/7 constant care of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He wants to heal us. He wants to make us whole. He doesn't want us to suffer or cry out in pain any longer. He wants to free us from the bonds of sin and remove all the painful scars. 

And that's why I'm here. And it's why the Hermana Gauger that comes down the escalator in the Sacramento Airport in 6 months will not be the same one who went up it a year ago. 

I hope you all know and feel the same cleansing and enabling power of Christ's Atonement this week, whether it be for the very first time or a familiar feeling. I pray for you all and I love you so much.

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)

 a MONKEY TOUCHED ME. 

this is my face right after we didn't get it on camera :(

 mi mejor amiga de perú

hermanas in the zone with our tour guide!

I love to read the holy scriptures

Email from Monday, October 12, 2015

Hey there family!

Last week when I wrote you, there were 6 missionaries in Barrio San Pedro. (2 elders, 2 sets of hermanas) and so much has happened since last week. First they took out the other hermanas and sent them to open an area that hasn't had hermanas in 15 years! Then they split their area in half but instead of add the new divided area to our area...we switched areas completely with the elders. So now we're opening the old area of the elders and they're opening our old area and everyone's lost and confused. But it's okay because it's actually helpful when this happens, because you're forced to find new people and know your area and I like it. But it's definitely not the easiest thing. Our new area is like wealthy...it's weird...I'm working between the 2nd and 3rd anillos and there's like no one in the streets....But oh well, the work rolls on. 

Today, we're having an activity with the hermanas in the zone, just the 6 of us, and it'll be the first activity that I actually planned...we're headed to this awesome zoo/park place and I'm super excited. I'll definitely send pics next week. This week has been really COLD. I don't even know what's up with the weather in Bolivia anymore, it's too unpredictable. 

We have a few progressing people right now, but I'm sure after this week, we'll have a lot more. But right now we have Franco who is this guy from Argentina who moved here with his brother. Yesterday, we had lunch with members and they were both there and they're so awesome, I just want them to be missionaries already. The brother Alex is 20 but he lives just outside of our limits so we're just teaching Franco who's 21. They're both so funny, Argentinians are the best. He really wants to get baptized on his birthday so we're working towards the 24th of October for him. 

Things are going well, this week, I'll be ponderizing Jacob 6:5 and this whole ponderizing thing is chaaanging my life! I'm learning so much and I love it.

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)

 p-day outings to the park! (taken this morning hahah)

 my pensionista and her son 

her son giving me a blessing! :) 

We Doubt Not the Lord, Nor His Goodness

Email from Monday, October 5, 2015

Wow wow wow! What a weekend, am I right or am I right? Family, you are getting this email from a changed woman! General Conference was INCREDIBLE. I secretly want to sneak over to Sister Davis´s seminary class this week and just stay absorbed in this conference cloud of pure joy. But I'm also extremely happy that I'll be going out and applying all I learned and felt in the best country in South America. :)

This week was really awesome. I went on my first exchange as hermana capacitadora and it was such a great time. I'll be honest, I never really wanted this responsibility and I was pretty overwhelmed when it came my way but like Elder Stevenson shared, I have to focus on what I CAN do. And I can be a really good listener and I can share experiences with the other hermanas to help them realize that everything is awesome when you're in the mission of miracles even if there are trials. In fact, I'm convinced that trials in the mission are the best things that could happen because God wants you to be even better.

Then we had general conference and it was amazing! My favorite talk was all of them. Hahaha no but seriously..... I went through all my notes and highlighted important things and made goals and I am just so happy and excited about life and the restored gospel. I loved the talk about "ponderizing" and even though it sounded much like those Proactiv commercials of my younger years and I feel kind of silly calling myself a "ponderizer" or here in Bolivia "una meditizadora", I'm totally trying to become one. I'm starting this week with Helaman 3:35 and meditizando in Spanish and English. My secret desire is to be like Elder Durrant and his wife Julie and have ponderizing be a habit in my marriage someday. Not gonna lie, conference always makes me excited to get married and have a family. It's so obvious how important the family is and I just love God's plan. But until that day in the distant future, I'll be focused on helping families here in Bolivia. :) 

Anyway, I absolutely LOVED President Nelson's talk about how the church needs powerful women who teach the gospel fearlessly. I've never been so proud to be a sister missionary! Elder Holland's talk just made me want to hug my mom forever and Elder Foster's talk made me want to read over all the inspiring emails my dad has sent me throughout my mission reminding me that "when that challenge comes, come to me, I'll help you through it, I've been there". Really I just feel a renewed love for my Heavenly Father, my Savior Jesus Christ, my SPECTACULAR family, and the restored and essential gospel of Jesus Christ.

There's no happier missionary in all the world than this one sitting here in Santa Cruz, Bolivia with a humble heart just trying to become more like her redeemer Jesus Christ. I invite all of you, (especially the OG's) to send me your fave talk from conference and share with me why it touched your heart and how you will be different because of it. That would only add to the permanant smile on my face and in my heart. :)

I love you all. Don't forget what you have felt. Go and do! Have a week full of miracles.

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)

 

 Hermana Hall and I. She's easily one of my best mission friends. We've been pals from the start and right now, we're living together. She has one transfer more than me and I just love her to death. We actually chatted on Facebook before the mission and now here we are watching general conference in English together. She's the best!

 VILMA! My fave girl ever.

 Hermana Canales and I.

 

Do Your Duty With A Heart Full of Song

Email from Monday, September 28, 2015

Hey there Gauger family!

What a week it has been here in Bolivia, the land of missionary adventures. 

When I left home recently (because I'm still a new missionary ya know), I knew the mission would prepare me for a lot of things in life but never did I think that I would learn so much about how to clean a house. Yep, I think the Lord really just sends me to new areas to clean houses. It happened again, folks. I got to my new house last week and noticed the kitchen sink was clogged and instead of calling anyone, they just kept washing dishes and letting the nasty barf water overflow  on the other side and it SMELLED SOOOO BAD. But Hermana Gauger isn't one to "let it go" right? So on Saturday morning, after our comp study, I told my companion that we couldn't let this go on any longer. So what did I do? I got down, disconnected the whole kitchen sink tubing and we took out enough hair to make a nice voluminous wig (maybe 2) and we scrubbed it clean til it shined like the top of the Chrysler building (Steph understands me :)) And then my comp said "well now we'll have to call someone to put it all back together because we don't know how" and I responded "well hermana, we also didn't know how to take it apart but we did that, so why don't we give it a shot?" So I got down, reconnected, and cleaned all the dead and alive spiders and now we have a beautiful kitchen sink that smells like "Dulce Manzana" and I've got some experience in kitchen plumbing. Oh how the mission has changed me. 

Seriously though, it's been a great learning week. Hermana Canales is easily the most serious companion I've ever had. So she's helping me develop diligence and I'm helping her develop the attribute of humor. :) It's really awesome. I've never known anyone so sincere in all my life. When she compliments me, it's so beautiful. I love her so much already. 

Our ward needs a lot of help. Pretty much half of the RS is less active...we got a lot of work to do. But we have a really awesome pool of investigators right now especially Vilma. Please pray really really hard for her. She's one of the strongest people I've ever met and I would do anything for her. She's 17 years old and she's been through more than anyone should ever have to go through ever. Because of some tough life experiences, she is really shy and scared, but we showed her a mormon message this week and she was so touched. She didn't want us to leave, she wanted to keep watching the "beautiful stories". I wish you all could get to know her. Her little baby's name is Jennifer so obviously, I will tell my posterity that she named her baby after me. I'll write more about her next week so your prayers for her will be even more powerful. 

I just love love love this work with all my heart. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I know this church is true. I love my Savior Jesus Christ and I am grateful everyday for His atoning sacrifice. I invite all of you this week to listen to general conference and hear the living prophet's voice. I love this gospel and I testify that it is the key to true and lasting happiness. I love you all more than you can imagine!

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)

 

LIMPIEZA DE LA TUBERIA DE LA COCINA

Okay I guess my face shows I haven´t changed thaaat much hahahaha

 

 

One Step Enough For Me

Note from Hermana Gauger's family:

Jen has been working hard and giving her all, despite some recent health concerns. We thank you all for your thoughts and prayers throughout her amazing journey as a sister missionary. Here is a little back story to let you know what she is talking about in this week's email. 

About two years ago, Jen found a mole on her head and it was a little bothersome so she went to the dermatologist. The dermatologist said she could have it removed if she wanted, but nothing ever came about and she just lived with it. While being in Bolivia, the mole doubled in size and she had to have it removed a couple weeks ago. There was a possibility it could have been melanoma. In her email home telling her family about this procedure and possible consequences, this is what she wrote, 

"I'm doing well, a little anxious, but confident in the Lord's plan, the doctor's assurance, and hopeful that the Lord called me to serve for 18 months and He will prepare the way for me to finish strong." 

Email from Monday, September 21, 2015

Wow Family, it's been ages since I last talked to you all. 

I guess time doesn't fly by when you're in the refiner's fire...hahaha. This week was....rough. I'll give you a quick rundown.

Monday-day of miracles! We found the most wonderful family and they seriously are so perfect. The son's already planning how to raise money for his mission. He's 11, it's adorable. 

Wednesday-I was supposed to get my results back (if the mole was melanoma) but didn't so I was super sick with anxiety all daaay. It was rough.

Thursday-I get my results, read them wrong, think I have skin cancer and start bawling my eyes out. President Willard even came over and we talked about how I'd probably go home for a week and get the surgery and come back and we were seriously like making my plans to come home and I was an emotional wreck, I slept about 3 hours that night. Hermana Wilson cheered me up by saying I could now run a half marathon as a cancer survivor and we made all the plans for how I was going to be a worldwide inspiration.

Friday-Dr Foianini explains that I don't have skin cancer and everything is fine. I cry some more. We go out and have a great day.

Saturday-I wake up with an awful pain in my back. A pain I've had before...recently....in May....in the hospital....We call Dr Foianini, go in, he checks me, my cyst is back! He drains it again. It turns out it's a tissue cyst and it will keep coming back unless we remove the damaged tissue. So.....in about 4 weeks, I'll be heading back into the operating room..... :( Then we couldn't go out because I was stuck resting the cut. 

Sunday-The other hermanas remind us that it's transfer day and we're like...oh yeah huh. Well there's no way we'll be transferred.... WRONG. I got transferred to San Pedro as a Sister Training Leader with Hermana Canales from Peru. Hermana Wilson, my precious little gringa, is staying in our old area and is ALSO a Sister Training Leader now. So she only got 6 weeks of training, that poor thing. But she's so awesome, I'm not worried about her. 

Anyway, it's been quite a week. I got to my new area today with my new companion and she seems awesome. She's got about 7 months in the mission and it's making me feel so ooooold. But I only have 11 months...so that's like..new still...right?? Okay I'm old. 

But anyway, apart from all the crying and trips to the clinic, I'm doing well. In our time in the house, Hermana Wilson and I started reading Jesus the Christ together (because we already had finished 12 weeks haha) And we had like a 5 hour long comp study, studying Jesus the Christ and the scriptures and it was amazing. She has taught me so much. Anyway, all is well here in Zona Piraí...yep, I'm in the same zone where I started my mission! :) I love you all, thanks for all your prayers this week, they were much needed and much appreciated.

Have an awesome week, wherever you all are and don't get any cysts! :)

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)

No tengo cancer, So we celebrated with a brownie sundae... :) 

There Is No End To Love

Email from Monday, September 14, 2015

Dear blog-stalkers and beloved friends,

This week was truly miraculous and I've yet to find the words to describe it perfectly in my journal but more than anything, I want to let you know that God's love is perfect and endless. He knows me perfectly. He hears my prayers. He knows how to help me and make me better, stronger, and more like Him. He lets me work in His work and He qualifies me daily. If the love and grace I am describing sounds foreign or unfamiliar, I invite you to pray today to feel it and he will grant it to you. Have an incredible week! I love you all!

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)

 Yummy Oreo Cheesecake

 Keepin' it clean

Thru cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me!

Email from Monday, September 7, 2015

Dear family and friends,

I'm hoping the boatload of pictures will make up for the short email this week. Enjoy seeing how we fought a coconut only to later find out that coconut water tastes like vomit. Enjoy our watermelon bowls on our Monday trip to get some American food. Also enjoy the beautiful sight of my companion studying while resting her spider bitten foot on my pillow. We were stuck inside all week due to the fact that her ankle swelled up like an elephant and she wasn't allowed to walk. It was rough but all is well. Please keep me in your prayers this week and I'm just hoping for a week of miracles! :)

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)

Oh How Praying Rests the Weary

Email from Monday, August 31, 2015

Well hey there family,

This week was...AWESOME. :) Remember the story in Jacob 5 when the Lord of the vineyard is planting trees and knows way better than his servants how to have fruit? Well that totally happened this week. 

Jacob 5:23

"And it came to pass that the Lord of the vineyard said unto his servant: Look hither; behold I have planted another branch of the tree also; and thou knowest that this spot of ground was poorer than the first. But, behold the tree. I have nourished it this long time, and it hath brought forth much fruit; therefore, gather it, and lay it up against the season, that I may  preserve it unto mine own self."

The tree this week was the baptism we had on Saturday of the most prepared soul I've ever met. Alvaro is this guy that the elders met 2 days before we came to the area and he's so awesome. We had a lot of struggles in visiting him because we could never find members to go visit him but somehow the Lord made it all work and he got baptized and confirmed this weekend. It was probably the most punctual baptism that ever happened in Bolivia, we said 6 and it started at 6:15. It was awesome. 

This week, after a joint-emotional breakdown on Monday, Hermana Wilson and I put our shoulders to the wheel and just got to work. And it was insane to see the Lord's hand in it all. We also had a multi-zone conference and interviews with President this week. During the conference, President asked Hermana Wilson and I to bear our testimonies but I had to share mine in Spanish and she shared it in English. It was really powerful. Then in my interview, I don't know how he does it, but President always just listens and lets the spirit solve my problems. It's the best. He told me that he thinks my assignment is harder than his so it's normal to have hard days. But he helped me a lot to see the little miracles. He's the best mission president I've ever had. 

Next week, Elder Juan Uceda from the 1st Quorum of the Seventy is coming to tour the mission and we're all over here like the Whos at Christmas time. Every morning we're like "another minute closer to Elder Uceda's visit!" I'm so excited to hear what he's gonna share with us and President wants us to be prepared to receive a message for the apostles.September 9th is going to be awesome. :)

Anyway, all is well here, even with the spider invasion we've had in the house lately. Wishing you all the best, I LOVE YOU!

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Gauger :)